Storm In A B-Cup

Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix)

on May 23, 2013

Jealousy is not a good colour on me. Or anyone, but definitely on me, and especially in the toxic incarnation that it has worst affected me.
Let me tell you about the start of my relationship. T and I met when we were both performing in a local show, a production of South Pacific in which I was playing one of the leading roles and he a smaller role.

I was so proud of myself. It was my first production with the theatre company and not only had I scored a leading role, but I had just been accepted into a semi-prestigious music theatre school. I had been acting and singing for not very long, and I truly thought I was all that.

T and I started dating (he was my very first boyfriend, at age 19), and things were good. As we got to know each other better, I discovered that T was an aspiring actor and singer – not a shock since we met performing – but when the next show rolled around in a few months’ time I was in for a surprise.

The director of the past show was a singing teacher, one I had started having lessons with since South Pacific, and she was grooming me for the lead role in the upcoming production of “the Baker’s Wife”, and full of the agconfidence of youth and inexperience, I believed her. I practiced hard and turned up to the auditions with confidence. So did T. I was gunning for us to be cast opposite one another, romantic leads on and off the stage. Alas, it wasn’t to be. I was cast in a supporting role, and T as one of the leading men. I was happy for T, but quietly jealous.

As each show rolled around, we both continued auditioning, and the same thing kept happening. Now I know it is community theatre, and it can not only be very political but also much more competitive for girls than guys, but it hurt. I loved theatre, it was my life at that point. But my jealousy was beginning to make me toxic.

It was affecting our relationship, making me sad and resentful of T’s success. Instead of supporting him and building him up like I should be, I was saying things that made me feel better – but we’re not the sort of thing I should have been saying to my boyfriend. Things like “well there was hardly any competition for the role” or criticisms of his performance. Or even just not being as fully present and happy for him as I should have been. I didn’t recognize that while I was upset that my work wasnt getting me anywhere, my lack of support and my less than kind words were hurting him a great deal too.

We have talked about this a lot. A LOT. It has been a big thing in our relationship. And for now, we have both made the decision to stay out of community theatre since the whole scene – not just my jealousy – was not doing us any good as a couple. Maybe one day one or both of us will go back. But right now, us is more important. T is focusing on teaching and the more professional side of performance. I am focusing on music, singing for pleasure (for myself, not others) and my nursing. And that’s enough for us.

My jealousy got the better of me, and almost caused some permanent damage to my relationship with my husband. We are still dealing with some of the consequences today. I really hurt T back then. But now that I have moved past it we are better and stronger than ever before.

Has jealousy ever affected your relationships


14 responses to “Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix)

  1. dancejustj says:

    Dating someone in a the same competitive field is always a challenge. I dated a dancer before and it turned out to have similar ramifications as your post detailed but we ultimately crumbled. Glad to see you two are working it out.

    • nat says:

      I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you guys! Very happy we managed to make it work though!! Thanks for stopping by πŸ™‚

  2. very honest and insightful blog

  3. […] Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) | Storm In A B-Cup […]

  4. […] Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) | Storm In A B-Cup […]

  5. ART by IMI says:

    Really interesting. Sometimes I worry as I have very few concrete things in common with my boyfriend. I’m artistic and more academic, wheras he is sporty and more driven to challenging himself. But actually I think it stops us treading on eachothers toes too much, and we appreciate the other’s interests.

    Very glad you did work it through, I was worrying at the beginning of the story that he was not the husband, so glad you overcame it!

    • nat says:

      Yeah, sometimes I think it would be better if we didn’t share so many interests!! Haha I’m pretty happy we made it work too :p

  6. […] Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) | Storm In A B-Cup […]

  7. snosler says:

    I’ve always wondered how that would be – honestly, if my husband was a writer (oh, believe it or not I actually have a paying writing job too πŸ™‚ I think I might have issues if he were more successful than I … Anyhoo, just seeing what others wrote on jealousy -this is one of my favorite prompts!

    • nat says:

      Thanks for stopping by! Yeah it’s horrible, my favourite word for the whole situation would probably be “toxic”. Everything’s so much better for having removed ourselves from the situation.

  8. […] Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) | Storm In A B-Cup […]

  9. […] Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) ( […]

  10. […] Jealousy, the Stage, and Marriage (do not mix) | Storm In A B-Cup […]

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