Storm In A B-Cup

When Do We Stop Calling it A Scare?

on November 19, 2013

A couple of months ago, I had an interesting experience. My period was late. Very late. I was on cycle day 39, with no sign of the monthly visitor in sight. And I started thinking. I let my mind wander to what it might be like if I was, in fact, pregnant. I talked to my husband about it, I did some reading, I floated around the internet – some blogs, pregnancy websites and finally baby shopping sites online. I found myself thinking that it might not be so bad if I was pregnant. I thought about the logistics of how it would work and realized…that it could work.

And then, I decided to take a pregnancy test. Negative. Instead of the rush of relief I could have felt – should have felt, and have felt a few times in the past, I felt…sadness? Loss? I found myself hoping that the test was wrong, but within a few hours – oh the irony – my period started.

It all started me thinking. Because we aren’t “trying” to get pregnant – at all, at this point, do we still call it a pregnancy scare? I know the couple of times it has happened before in the past few years, it has DEFINITELY been scary. But I think by definition, perhaps this wasn’t a “pregnancy scare”.

In the couple I months since then, my husband and I have done a lot of talking. While we agree that it wouldn’t be the most ideal time in our lives to start a family, I’m starting to believe that there is never really a perfect time to have a baby. We both want to be parents, we have stable jobs, and both are working towards careers in fields we enjoy – by correspondence, a lifestyle that would allow us to be parents if it happened. So we have kind of fallen into a “decision” not to try to become pregnant, but to stop preventing pregnancy.

It seems like a good route to take for us, considering my diagnosis of pcos. I know that it could potentially take us years, and we may need fertility treatment, depending on how often I ovulate on my own.

The whole idea is a little scary, and I have found myself researching trying to conceive online. I have a deep fear that I may not be able to become pregnant easily. So I feel like I need to take control. While we really are just “not trying, not preventing” at the moment, I think that reading up on the subject keeps me informed, and I like to know everything I can know about a subject. I may not be using a lot of the fertility advice out there, but it makes me feel like I’m doing something!

I’m starting to embark on a whole new journey in this part of my life, and it’s exciting and scary and thrilling all at the same time.

How did you feel the first time you decided it was time to stop trying not to be parents?


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